February 23, 2025

This is my first entry. I want to make it brief as I am pressed for time right now. Sometimes I hate being alive. There are certain unchangeable qualities about myself that make me question whether life is worth living. These insecurities really get to me sometimes. I wonder how common it is for insecurities to drive someone to the brink of suicide. I don't know anyone who feels the same way that I do. Maybe that is because we keep our deepeest, most vulnerable emotions closest to our chests. Just as how I am not in tune with the way others feel about living, others may not be aware about my feelings on life. I don't think I could ever end my life though. I know that it would devastate my parents. I am very blessed to have loving, responsible parents. But even they don't know how low I feel.

I don't want to die. I want to to stay alive and find a way to fix myself. I've been listening to David Goggins. His story inspires me to persevere even when my insecurities seem overwhelming.

I don't have much else to say. I need to stop being a fucking bitch and do whatever I can to fix myelf.